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Tuesday, April 15, 2003

Are you an alcoholic?:

1. Do you lose time from work due to drinking?
Nope, I'm unemployed. And even if I did have a job, I'd be in late and out early whether I was drinking or not.

2. Is drinking making your home life unhappy?
It's a little difficult to have an unhappy home life if I spend all my time at the bar, isn't it?

3. Do you drink because you are shy with other people?
I drink because I'm shy with the other people in my head...

4. Is drinking affecting your reputation?
No, I was considered a rude, arrogant bastard before, too.

5. Have you ever felt remorse after drinking?
Only that the alcohol was gone.

6. Have you gotten into financial difficulties as a result of drinking?
No, but I've definitely gotten into drinking as a result of financial difficulties.

7. Do you turn to lower companions and an inferior environment when drinking?
Yes, I can honestly say that after drinking I have a compelling desire to compost and produce excess greenhouse gasses, as well as go slash and burn farm in the Amazon. What the fuck do they mean, inferior environment?

8. Does your drinking make you careless of your family's welfare?
No, I'm careless of my family's welfare because I hate them.

9. Has your ambition decreased since drinking?
No, I never gave a fuck.

10. Do you crave a drink at a definite time of day?
Yes. When I wake up, when I go to sleep, and those other times in between.

11. Do you want a drink the next morning?
If there's anything left the next morning, I did something wrong.

12. Does drinking cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?
Yes, but who the fuck doesn't have trouble sleeping with a bottle in their mouth?

13. Has your efficiency decreased since drinking?
No, it's increased since I have to do more work before I leave at 4 to go drink.

14. Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business?
No, but it definitely "Price is Righted" it.

15. Do you drink to escape from worries or trouble?
I drink to create worries and trouble.

16. Do you drink alone?
No, I also eat.

17. Have you ever had a complete loss of memory as a result of drinking?
If it was a complete loss, how would I know I was drinking?

18. Has your physician ever treated you for drinking?
Treated me TO drinking, never FOR drinking.

19. Do you drink to build up your self-confidence?
I do it to build up other people's self-confidence.

20. Have you ever been to a hospital or institution on account of drinking?
They have drinking accounts? And you can pay for healthcare with it? What the fuck am I doing with a checking account!?

cranked out at 10:56 PM | |

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