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Wednesday, April 16, 2003

The Real Cancun

Look, I've long since stopped caring about the obviously idiotic reality shows on TV. Some producer just realized at some point, "Hey - Instead of making bad, predictable plots... why not just film a bunch of people doing stupid things on camera?" The sad part being how right they were... since, we've seen marriage, snake eating, and desertion on a deserted island televised to hoardes of people who are too pathetic to get married, even to a snake eater, if they were the last alternative alive and stuck on an island in the middle of the pacific.

What bothers me about "Real World: Cancun" isn't so much that it's the extension of a type of media which makes my stomach turn, or that invariably it will top the charts for a given period of time, and most likely, it will win an Oscar for "Best Documentary." What bothers me is that filming a bunch of stupid kids in Cancun is probably going to be better than half the movies which are currently being made on billion dollar budgets, with the best writers Holywood can buy. People who are hailed as "cinimatic geniuses." People like Jerry Bruckheimer.

Is there one among us who will say that this movie will be in any way worse than "The Core"?

But then you sort of have to look at some of the contestants.

Let's look at some of the... rather unsuprising highlights* of her profile:

Favorite TV Show: The Real World
I half wonder if they put this on their own, or she was just so obviously pandering to the "talent" scouts. Does she really think they get beyond the "Name, picture, measurements" portion of the application?

Favorite Performer: Britney Spears
I can't imagine why.

Favorite Sport to Watch: Definitely the NFL. What’s better than watching Jason Taylor in his tight white pants playing for the Dolphins?
Gagging myself with the barrel of a .45 comes to mind.

Favorite Drink (Alcoholic): Vodka, straight up!
IE: "The boys buy me straight alcohol. Something about getting me on my back faster!"

Wildest Thing I’ve Ever Done: Stripped at a club
The lack of suprise I have at reading this is palpable.

In summary: This movie, obviously pandering to both the older folks who want their college days back, when they could take off for spring break and drink and sleep with anonymous partners for a whole week, and also to the current youth, who are too socially inept to really participate in this sort of activity or who want a release to see how the "other side**" lives, marks the downfall of any culture the US may have once had. And I'm going to see it. Who wants to come?

* = Yes, I noticed the obvious hair coloring joke. No, I won't sink that low outside of footnotes***.
** = "other" could easily be replaced, of course, by "retarded."
*** = Yes, I realize the obvious joke about feet being low.

cranked out at 9:32 PM | |

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