My Education
My Weekends
My Religion
My Information
My Guilty Pleasure
My Role Model
For Your Eyes
For Your Ears
For Your Palate
For Your Touch
For Your Gag Reflex
For The Love of God

Monday, May 05, 2003

X-Men 2

Note: This may or may not contain so-called "spoilers". If, however, you can't predict everything which is going to happen in this movie after having either, (a) Seen the preview, or (b) Seen any comic book ever, I'd prefer if you go back to eating your donut and playing Qbert.

I was fortunate enough to see X-Men 2: Dyslex-men Untied this past weekend. It was a good movie for the genre filled with lots of kicking, stabbing and computer animated kicking and stabbing. I don't think I need to do a complete review of the thing except to give some observations I made during the course of the show:

- Movie producers apparently have never read the comics, and have basically told us all what X-Men 3 is going to be about: The Dark Phoenix saga. This is problematic for a large number of reasons, not the least of which being that the entire background and story surrounding the whole thing requires, in large part, the characters of Archangel and Kitty Pryde (who, it should be noted, they just killed off) which then necessitates Angel to become Archangel which requires Apocalypse.... and maybe I'm just too big of a dork. It just seems stupid that they're taking what is a fantastic storyline and blowing their load in the next movie because they're too uncreative to actually come up with something other than "Government official tries to kill all mutants becuase he's mutantphobic or has family issues."

- So, this General Stryker has a mind control substance which is basically undetectable, and which will allow him to take any subject and make them obey his orders absolutely - in a series of questionable manipulations, he orchistrates a whole program which will make the president fear mutants by forcing nightcrawler to come try to assassinate him, and have all these different events transpire. Why not... just use it on the president? It seems much easier to not piss off a group of militant superhumans in the process of trying to kill them, not to mention tip them off fairly conclusively about what you're doing.

- Wolverine, after an entire movie of thinking those adamentium claws were only for threatening people while shirtless, figures out that he can actually use them as weapons. Lots of cutting, stabbing and otherwise dismemberment of special ops guys ensues. Wolverine offered guest spot on Iron Chef.

- Jubilee is now under the tutiledge of Professor X, despite the fact that in the comics she only ends up as part of the X-men after the Sentinal program is already well in place? Please. Not to mention her power is basically duplicated by thowing a handfull of M40's. You have to question whether the power disparity might make it worth having "X-Men" and "X-Men Jr.".

- The Washington Post reviewer of movies, Stephen Hunter, is functionally retarded You can read the review for yourselves, but one thing worth pointing out is "...Dr. Xavier appears to be literally able to stop the universe -- that is, halt time." Apparently, he was too busy masturbating to the teenagers he seems to believe he understands at thte deepest levels to notice the fact that, during the "stop the universe" scenes, time kept moving outside the room. Given that Prof X is telepathic, which makes more sense: (a) That he just made the people in the room catatonic, or (b) that he literally stopped the universe? Hmm. Interesting to note, beyond this, is his incredulity at some powers, and his willingness to accept others. For example - freezing someone's mind? Not okay. Disappearing and travelling instantly to another location? Fine. Just as long as the person doing it was in Cabaret.

- Why would anyone NOT join Magneto? I mean, seriously - Jean Luc Picard or Gandalf? Who the fuck joins a guy who can't even WALK? "Oooh! All powerful... can't even play Basketball." Jesus, he's a mutant, but he has to play in the special olympics. We usually call that particular type of mutant something else.

cranked out at 2:35 PM | |

template © elementopia 2003
Chicken and/or Waffles
Be Objective
Be Qualitative
Be Mindless
Be Heartless
Be Confused
Be Aware
The Lounge
Appellate Blog