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Monday, August 18, 2003

Following the most recent "mistake" on the part of the US army stationed in Iraq, that of a tank crew shooting an internationally renowned journalist in broad daylight, I've decided someone needs to make a few additions to the Army's guide for new troops. This is the second journalist killed when some fucktard made a huge error in judgement, the first being when they fired at the Palestine Hotel becuase "it had a threatening name."

The following are a few suggestions:


- Saddam loyalists who are going to fire grenades from shoulder-mounted weapons at your tank are, in 99% of cases, not going to have a sound crew backing them up. A boom mike has little relevance to that sort of operation.

- A recent invention has come to our attention which will allow you, using invisible energy pulses, to communicate with the local base of operations to determine if there is a legitimate film crew in the area. We call this invention a "radio." Each tank will come equipped with an expert in this new technology. This expert will most likely be a chimpanzee, or other member of the family Hominidae.

- Just becuase someone is brown, that does not make them a target. Unless you are a member of one of our career training programs in the "southern police officer" track, in which case you are free to beat the offender, but we ask that you do not shoot them, as it will render them useless for other training purposes.

cranked out at 4:55 AM | |

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