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Monday, August 04, 2003

I can tell that I'm getting bored to the point of insanity when I recieve e-mails like this one and choose to respond. I decided to attach my response as follows since I hate going to that much effort only to have a random scam artist be the one to benefit.

From: Pablo B. Escobar
Date: 8/04/03
Subject: 1337 mining stuff!

Dear Mr. Williams,

I recently recieved your extremely personal e-mail regarding my possible inclusion in extraditing funds from the war-torn nation of Sierra Leone! I have to say, Mr. Williams (can I call you Alex, seeing as how we'll soon be business partners and all?), I find your candor refreshing, as well as your straightforward approach! As you happened to note in your e-mail that you were relatively ignorant of the business world, I decided to do some fact checking, so we know where we stand! I found a few problems, and they are as follows:

1) The amount you stated as coming from the financial director of the Sierra Leone national mining company (US$15 million) could not possibly exist. In fact, after doing a little research, I found that over the past decade, the GDP of Sierra Leone was sixty pre-1994 Pesos found in a vending machine which washed up on shore, a packet of Big Red chewing gum, and a log across which was written "IOU one gov't, -Britan". Now, Alex, where did all that money come from? Maybe you translated it in to Canadian dollars? If that's the case, Alex, then I have to warn you - $15 million CDN won't even get you in to a movie in some cities.

2) After getting suspicious of the company in general following the rather spurious earnings claims, I dug a little deeper. It seems that the assets of "Sierra Leone national mining" are limited exhaustively to a stick, and a 5' x 5' hole in the sandbox of one Suzy M. Williams. She was contacted for information, but has yet to master any language, inasmuch as she is four.

3) A little more searching, and I found what I had a gnawing suspicion may be the root of this whole mess. It seems the auditing company assigned to the aforementioned mining concern was, in fact, Arthur Anderson. They overstated earnings to an extraordinary degree, so much so, in fact, that the leader of the iron-fisted ruling junta was driven into bankrupcy, resulting in the subsequent exile and murder of your loved ones. I apologize to be the one to bring you this bad news, Alex.

In any case, should you desire to contact me further with regards to this deal, please, any time, night or day, feel free to call me at 410-265-8080 Thank you so much for your consideration, Alex, in what could have been a lucritive business relationship!

Pablo Escobar
Eccentric Millionaire

cranked out at 3:01 AM | |

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