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Tuesday, October 05, 2004


-I was reading the news today, and came across this. Apparently, piling thirty thousand bananas constitutes art nowadays. I can almost empathize with this view, since I also happen to think that this monstrosity is addictive and nearly hypnotic. There is one thing from the article which warrents noting, however: "The bananas he used come from countries around the world and were donated by the Banana Group - an organisation dedicated to raising the profile of Britain's most popular fruit."

I was stunned. There is a Banana Group? There are men and women valiently serving in the cause of bananakind? I could walk up to someone in a pub, and he would hand me his card, and it would say something like, "Joffery Johnston, CEO Banana Group?" This was too much, but a deep and thorough search (google for "Banana Group America") didn't yield any results. So I sent an e-mail to the Brits:

From: greg arthur
Date: Tue, 5 Oct 2004 21:47:57 -0400
Subject: Banana Group

Hello -

I am a banana enthusiast, and came upon your website quite by accident
while searching for recepies for the beloved fruit. As I'm sure you
have been made aware, you are an ocean away from the country in which
I live, so I was writing to you to ask if you know of an organization
within the United States which serves functionally the same purpose as
you do, only for popularization over here.

Thank you for your time, and keep up the good work.

Gregory Arthur
Maryland, USA

I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I need a job next year, and my life would be complete if I could be a banana lobbiest. I can just imagine walking into a senate office and saying something like, "Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you against the FDA's recommendation regarding vitamen b-12?" So hot.

-This past weekend was the Smith tournament, which is always a fun experience. I managed to get a total of around seven hours of sleep between thursday and sunday, but took second overall (by a much closer margin than last year). This means my streak for breaking stands at two of two on the year. The next tournament I'm going to is Harvard, though, meaning that this will probably be a short-lived phenomenon. Unless I can bribe a lot of people.

-Speaking of Smith, on the way back we were involved in the most minor accident concievable on the Jersey Turnpike. We rolled into the car in front of us at about half a mile per hor, and scratched the bumper of the car. For most people, this would be something to laugh off - the general rule is, anything that can be fixed with a beach towel is likely not life threatening. But after it happened, a woman lept out of the passenger side of the car and came back to look. Now, I don't want to stereotype, but you know how if there's a guy who is wearing camoflauge pants, an earthtone shirt and has a buzzcut, you sort of assume he's a military type? This woman was definitely heroin-shiek, with bad stretch marks and tattoos and an ugly white denim short skirt. Either she was a stripper, or she did a remarkable impression of one. She flipped out and got mad at the girl who was driving and then tried to extort $700 out of her, just to fix what was, by no measure of the imagination, any serious damage. This week, when I think I have it rough with classes, I'm going to think to myself: At least my name isn't Kemmy.

- From the Cheap Shot department, Bush in his recent round of campaigning, is making healthcare a big issue. Some excerpts with pointless jabs:
We got to do something about these frivolous lawsuits that are running up the costs on small businesses. (Applause.) You cannot be pro-doctor, pro-patient, and pro-trial lawyer at the same time. (Laughter.) I think you have to choose. My opponent made his choice, and he put a trial lawyer on the ticket.

He's got a point. Kerry put a lawyer on the ticket with him, Bush put a heart patient. Also, and I hate to point this out, but in a trial? There are lawyers on both sides. So even with "frivilous" lawsuits, you have one lawyer who may be a bloodsucking evil bastard, but it follows that the other one is trying to defend the rights of the common heart surgeon.

Let me talk about Medicare right quick. I went to Washington to fix problems, not to pass them on to future Presidents.

...too easy.

We're making a difference when it comes to health care. But all we do to make sure health care is available and affordable, we'll make sure the decision making is between patient and doctor, not between bureaucrats in the nation's capital.

Unless the patient is a woman, the doctor is an OB/GYN and Bush disagrees with the procedure. I'm just saying, it's hard to defend a principle you've consistently tried to attack. Unless you're a hypocrite, and speaking to midwestern idiots. Did I mention that this talk was in Iowa?

It's important to make sure America is a hopeful place, by growing our economy. I want you to tell your friends and neighbors and remind them what we have been through. The stock market was in significant decline prior to my arrival in Washington, D.C. That was an indicator that something was taking place in the economy...

Wait just a god damned minute. Something was going on in a large sector of the investment economy, and that was an indicator that something was taking place in the economy? Is there ever a time when "something" is not taking place in the economy?

We passed tough laws and that made it abundantly clear that we're not going to tolerate dishonesty in the boardrooms of America.

Because the government hates competition.

cranked out at 9:42 PM | |

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