Chicken and/or Waffles

Thursday, December 02, 2004

My Vagina is Angry

I am going to make my debut on Chicken and/or Waffles writing about a topic that is very near and dear to my heart: vaginas.

Well, more like vaginoplasty and labiaplasty. The new hot thing to do with that $5000 burning a hole in your pocket is reported in this priceless article. Here's the gist:

As millions of women inject Botox, reshape noses, augment breasts, lift buttocks and suck away unwanted fat, a growing number are now exploring a new frontier, genital plastic surgery. They are tightening vaginal muscles, plumping up or shortening labia, liposuctioning the pubic area and even restoring the hymen, sometimes despite their doctors' skepticism about the need for such cosmetic measures.
...
Some procedures, like hymen reconstruction, are relatively rare and confined to a minority of women who need to conform to religious or ethnic rules on virginity, doctors said. A greater number of patients complain of... inner labia that are too big, too uneven or unsightly. "The women feel undesirable or unpretty," Dr. Stern said. "Even if nobody sees it, they see it."
...
One patient, a 22-year-old college student from Toronto, said she had never had intercourse until after her labiaplasty because she felt "insecure and ugly" about excess labia tissue. "It's just that when you feel bad about your body, especially this part of your body, it's kind of impossible to let your true feelings and passions show," she said. Now, after the surgery last May, she said, "I have nothing to hide."

Great. Now not only do women have to worry about the fact that their facial expressions will give them wrinkles unless they paralyze the muscles in their foreheads, they also have to worry about whether or not their labia are contoured in a “normal” fashion? At least the article isn’t entirely filled with sunny stories of happiness obtained through what's gotta be gruesome surgery:

Dr. Laura Berman, director of a treatment clinic for female sexual dysfunction in Chicago, the Berman Center, said some of her patients complained that they ended up with pain or could no longer be sexually aroused after undergoing some of the procedures. Unlike most other cosmetic procedures, she said, genital plastic surgery has the potential to harm function.

As painfully (tasteless pun intended) obvious as it was to me, this is the only place in this article that comes close to calling this trend essentially what it is. You know, I hear there are international efforts to stop these sorts of things from happening in many developing countries.

The one recurring thought I had throughout the entire article was not articulated until a mere four lines from the end:

Mark Kernes, a senior editor with the trade magazine Adult Video News, said, "I really don't think most men care."

Now, I don't particularly have a lot of testosterone coursing through these veins of mine, but I'm willing to bet that if one is presented with such an... opportunity... that thoughts about the symmetry of labia are among the last ones going through one's mind.

Undesireable my ass... er, vulva.

cranked out at 10:49 PM | |