Dear Judgemental Chick In My Seminar,
Hello. I know we've only spoken a few times over the internet, and spent a scant hour in a room together, but from me to you, I have some advice: Don't be that girl. We get it. You're smart. Just wearing that chic pink-lined shag coat tipped us off to that, as did the short and stylish pink-streakd hair and the nose piercing. You transcend all the materialism and the temporal notions of pleasure with your $5.99 Claire's Botique necklace. You cut through the day to day concerns of us mere mortals, your razorwire wit entangling all the lesser souls who cross your ideological path.
That device in my pocket? No, it's not the newest mix tape my hipster friends have made for me. It's a Gameboy SP. And yes, I play Pokemon: Sapphire on it. Sometimes I do this on the Metro... sometimes I even do it instead of reading faded Camus paperbacks. My iPod? No, sadly I do not have Emo Band With Thirteen Words In The Title That Nobody Has Heard Of. I am listening to Kelly Clarkson. Next, I will probably listen to Jay-Z. How's that for mainstream?
I mentioned that a certain actress is "hot as fuck." You told me not to objectify women. I'm as appreciative of this mindset as any straight man, but you need to get a reality check. Appreciating the aesthetic of another person does not mean you are objectifying them. Making important value judgements based on the aforementioned superficial qualities might, but the comment wasn't "she is attractive and consequently deserves a life of cock sucking and subjugation at the hands of a male." It was simply that she happened to be someone, who, if I were offered the chance, I would sleep with. In fact, there's a better than even chance I would pay to do so.
When I told you that you're not attractive enough to be so uppity, that was a joke. No, I wasn't trying to invade your feminist chi. Yes, I was pointing out to you that your constant criticisms of everyone and everything have the converse of opening you up to some level of scrutiny. Your machinegun attacks on everything from religion to Rennaisance art can be interesting at times, but seriously, sometimes it's okay to wear a sweatshirt and watch Ally McBeal. The E-Police won't come and crucify you for reading ESPN. And your seeming inability to appreciate the basics in life does not make you superior. It makes you boring and pretentious.
This isn't meant to be an attack. You seem like you could be fun to talk to, and I have enjoyed our conversations when you forget to put so much effort into them. Sometimes, I just delete the pointless, tangental references you make to obscure literature and philosophers and your conversations even approach the level of insight. Let's just agree that we have a mutual respect, so you can stop making me hate you.
The Boy in Row 2
cranked out at 1:00 AM | |
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