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Tuesday, August 09, 2005

MADD is the new NAACP

A Cato writes about the measures being undertaken by law enforcement to curb underage drinking. As per usual, this is just hysteria over something that need not be targetted so severely. The problem is, obviously, not really underage drinking per se - kids in other countries start imbibing as early as 10, and in small doses in this country in certain religious settings - it's underage kids who don't know how to drink. See, the ones whose parents don't allow them access to alcohol are going to be the ones who get to college and can't handle freedom. The more restrictive you are as a parent, the bigger the rebellion will be when it comes. And seriously, you can tell who doesn't know what they're doing. They turn into alcoholics. Trust me on this. Especially if they have friends who constantly force them to drink, for example by playing games like pyramid of eudaimonia or asshole.

The part that I find funniest is MADD. Their entire website is a consortium of lies. For example, their entire college drinking page:

Countless college students are concerned with high-risk campus drinking and are eager to find solutions. In fact, a national opinion poll of college-age individuals found that:

* 70 percent favor 21 as the minimum age to sell or serve alcohol; and
* 65 percent want rules more strongly enforced.

Something is manifestly wrong with this. A casual poll of my friends found that this data is more than likely chicanery, and that the only people who felt this way tended to be individuals who were already 21 or over. This leads me to believe that "college-age individuals" is likely a more inclusive group than "college students" - and in fact, probably includes the entire 18-26 demographic. Moreover, the study was done by The Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, whose stated purpose is "To reduce the personal, social and economic harm caused by substance abuse—tobacco, alcohol and illicit drugs."

Each year, college students spend approximately $5.5 billion on alcohol- more than they spend on soft drinks, milk, juice, tea, coffee and books combined.

Well, maybe they should make alcohol less expensive. Then we wouldn't spend so goddamn much. Also, and this is important: a girl won't hook up with you if you get her a Coke Zero or a Cafe au Lait. Six Jagerbombs? Gotcha, bitch.

In 2001, approximately 44 percent of college students reported binge drinking, according to a college survey. This percentage is almost identical to rates in three previous surveys.

The highest prevalence of both binge and heavy drinking in 2002 was for young adults aged 18 to 25, with the peak rate occurring at age 21. The rate of binge drinking was 40.9 percent for young adults and 50.2 percent at age 21.

"Binge drinking" is considered, like, 5 or more drinks in a row. Not for nothing, but five drinks in a row is like... warmup. The definition isn't based on body weight or level of intoxication, it's literal number of drinks. And honestly, a bottle of jack and a sixer of Stellas is "binging." Five Bud Lights during a game isn't even a radar blip for a 200 pound guy.

Binge drinking is associated with lower grades among college students. Approximately five drinks per occasion are associated with a GPA lower by half a grade.

You think a nation of milk drinkers could have defeated Hitler? That's what I thought. Which is worse - half a GPA point, or genocide?

Drinking reduces the number of hours spent studying per day among college students. Each additional drink per occasion is associated with fifteen minutes less studying per day.

Ahh, yes, but each additional fifteen minutes of studying per day is associated with one extra year of virginity.

Six percent of college have been diagnosed as alcohol dependent and nearly one-third of students who be given an alcohol abuse diagnosis under psychiatric criteria. Forty-four percent of students reported at least one symptom of either abuse or dependence.

"At least one symptom of either abuse or dependance"? Fifty percent of people have "at least one symptom" of schizophrenia. The reason you need more than one symptom in order to characterize something as an actual disorder is because one symptom in isolation doesn't mean shit. Also, "an alcohol abuse diagnosis"? It's considered "alcohol abuse" to drink after a breakup, because you are medicating yourself. But I mean, the bitch left. What, I'm supposed to have some tea and a good cry over a Lifetime movie? Well fuck that noise.

I also can't believe they have the nerve to use a picture of a kid with FAS on their site:

By the way, I have no idea what my point is except that MADD is stupid.

cranked out at 5:26 AM | |

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