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Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Programs hacking programs...?

Jordan writes about the Japanese fellow who made a robot that looks and acts sort of like a crippled woman. He created an Asian version of Teri Schiavo, essentially. From back when she hadn't, you know, starved to death (JUST LIKE LINDSAY LOHAN OHHHH SNAP).

This seems to have been a fear of mankind since as long ago as 1956 - that one day, machines would take over humanity with their charm and inability to ever get tired. So I'm here today to reassure you and say: Never going to happen. You know how people say "never say never"? Well this is a "never" situation. People will never create robots that are indistinguishable from real humans. And there's a very good and real reason for this: the average person doesn't have an advanced degree in electrical engineering.

What we'll actually get are robots that are awkward and faux-intellectual by referring to everything as being "illogical". And the reason for that, simply, is that robots are always going to be designed and made and programmed by antisocial computer science majors from large, prestigious universities. And they have no fucking idea what actual people act and think like. The best way to determine the conception of robot-actions that these programmers have is to look at the popular culture they create. What do you find? Star Trek, where women all dress in skin tight outfits and want to have lots of freaky space-sex with the guy who's really smart. Because, under those electrically-taped glasses and greasy hair, nerds are really just sexual dynamos.

All you'd ever have to do to determine if a 'person' were a robot is go into a bar, where a nerd-programmed robot would inevitably look awkward in the corner while playing Golden Tee.

There's also the inherant disadvantage to being a robot (namely, lack of adaptability) and the whole "no good power source". But really, there's nothing to be afraid of. All this Japanese guy has created is a Real Doll with some servos.

cranked out at 5:46 AM | |

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