Monday, January 23, 2006

An Aside

I’m not going to say anything about the weekend’s playoff games, except that it sure was nice of the Broncos to let that retarded kid from Make-a-Wish stand in for their defensive coordinator. I hope he enjoyed blitzing like a moron even after it would have been blatently obvious to anyone with a modicum of understanding that it was not only not working, but was giving up a series of big plays.

I’m also fantastically shocked that it took this long for anyone to realize that, if you take away Steve Smith, the Panthers don’t have anyone to throw to, other than a big lumbering white guy. When your quarterback resorts to throwing to the other team intentionally just to get a completion, you know you’re in trouble. I will also begin betting heavily against any team that starts a white running back. It’s not a race thing, it’s just that white guys are not good running backs.

What I really want to talk about is Kobe Bryant. If you’re not addicted to clicking ESPN like a monkey with ADD, you may not yet have seen that he scored 81 points in regulation against the Toronto Raptors. For anyone not familiar with basketball, that’s a lot of points. You could go so far as to say that 81 points is the second highest point total for an individual player ever, behind Wilt Chamberlain’s 100 point game in the sixties. Aside from just noting that Kobe would, playing with four cardboard cutouts, probably be better than the Knicks’ entire $110m payroll, I think it’s worth addressing the inevitable criticism that will come out of this.

See, people who follow professional sports have a few things they like to hold sacred. You shouldn’t run up the score. It’s about the team, not the individual. Stuff like that. In a quote from ESPN, “Someone asked Dirk Nowitzki if he could top 82. ‘I don't think that would be good from a team standpoint,’ Nowitzki said.” But when the ‘team standpoint’ was predominant in the game, the Lakers were down by 17 points. It took Kobe launching 46 shots to get the win. If Kobe’s not shooting and scoring a lot, the Lakers will lose. A lot. Like, nearly every game. The only talented players on their roster have no experience, and the experienced players suck. So what else can you do?

cranked out at 8:09 AM | |