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Wednesday, February 01, 2006

State of the Onion

Various thoughts on the SotU address from last night:

"We will choose to build our prosperity by leading the world economy -- or shut ourselves off from trade and opportunity."

For example, by posting steel tariffs in violation of the WTO policy we created.

Abroad, our nation is committed to an historic, long-term goal -- we seek the end of tyranny in our world.

Domestically, not so much.

On September the 11th, 2001, we found that problems originating in a failed and oppressive state 7,000 miles away could bring murder and destruction to our country.

It's a good thing Afghanistan is doing so well, then, and not allowing warlords and cartels to grow billions of dollars in poppies.

. At the start of 2006, more than half the people of our world live in democratic nations. And we do not forget the other half -- in places like Syria and Burma, Zimbabwe, North Korea, and Iran -- because the demands of justice, and the peace of this world, require their freedom, as well.

Sucks to be Chinese, is all I got to say. And some of those "democracies" are, to put it mildly, awful wastelands of putrid horribleness.

Terrorists like bin Laden are serious about mass murder -- and all of us must take their declared intentions seriously.

This is starting to be a new soundbyte - the "we have to take the terrorists seriously" thing.

"...the terrorists hope these horrors will break our will, allowing the violent to inherit the Earth. But they have miscalculated: We love our freedom, and we will fight to keep it."

Maybe "violent" wasn't the right term to use right before announcing your intention to use violence to stop them?

"The road of victory [in Iraq] is the road that will take our troops home. As we make progress on the ground, and Iraqi forces increasingly take the lead, we should be able to further decrease our troop levels -- but those decisions will be made by our military commanders, not by politicians in Washington, D.C."

Finally, Bush understands the separation of powers between the four branches of government: judicial, executive, legislative, and military. Luckily, the founders had the foresight not to give those bastards in congress the authority to raise and maintain an army, or the president the powers of commander-in-chief.

"We show compassion abroad because Americans believe in the God-given dignity and worth of a villager with HIV/AIDS, or an infant with malaria, or a refugee fleeing genocide, or a young girl sold into slavery.

... unless they want an abortion. Then we withdraw funding, like your husband should have withdrawn before impregnating you and giving you an AIDS baby.

"Fortunately, this nation has superb professionals in law enforcement, intelligence, the military, and homeland security. These men and women are dedicating their lives, protecting us all, and they deserve our support and our thanks. "

... unless they're gay, or transgendered, in which case we will immediately discharge them. Since our nation's security is our first concern. And by "our nation's security" I of course mean, "Bush's security with his own masculinity."

"So to prevent another attack –- based on authority given to me by the Constitution and by statute -- I have authorized a terrorist surveillance program to aggressively pursue the international communications of suspected al Qaeda operatives and affiliates to and from America."

Oh, I remember that clause of the constitution. It's the "Do Whatever The Fuck You Want" clause. You know, Article I, Section You're Making This Shit Up. And reaffirmed in the "The President is Too Sexy For These Laws" Act of 1878.

"Previous Presidents have used the same constitutional authority I have, and federal courts have approved the use of that authority.

Yes, that's true. I remember well when Thomas Jefferson instituted a widespread wiretapping program to find supporters of the British crown.
"Appropriate members of Congress have been kept informed.

The trick to believing this is in knowing that there are no appropriate members of Congress.

"Keeping America competitive requires us to be good stewards of tax dollars. Every year of my presidency, we've reduced the growth of non-security discretionary spending, and last year you passed bills that cut this spending. This year my budget will cut it again, and reduce or eliminate more than 140 programs that are performing poorly or not fulfilling essential priorities. By passing these reforms, we will save the American taxpayer another $14 billion next year, and stay on track to cut the deficit in half by 2009."

Sweet! We can cut $14 billion in stupid programs like feeding underpriviledged children breakfast to make room for $300 billion in military spending! See, the thing about America is, we're fiscally responsible.

He also rants about a bunch of other stuff - but I actually agree with parts of it. Like that we should be using nuclear energy instead of coal and oil. Or that more kids need to take advanced placement science and math. Wouldn't it be cool if we had about $1 trillion in order to fund all of that?

cranked out at 5:24 AM | |

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