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Friday, March 31, 2006


When I was a kid, I was really into violent movies. Not that I ever actually grew out of that, just that it used to be that my friends and I would see something like Predator, and make a game out of it. The game typically involved shooting each other, either with imaginary weaponry, or with Nerf guns. I spent entire afternoons arguing about whether "I got you" or whether they could see through my cloaking device. It was good times for a nine year old.

The thing is - I grew out of it. When you're 16 and you still have arguments about whether you hit someone with a magical sword, it invokes images of sweaty, overweight kids in a basement. Which I can assure you I was not. (I had moved on to computer games.) I think it's fair to say that this sort of "See a movie and emulate it" is a behavior that society typically stygmatizes when it comes to your over-18 crowd.

Which is why I want to talk about Amelie. For those of you who haven't seen it, Amelie is a French movie about Audrey Tautou (who is very hot), where she does a bunch of crazy shit to help other people and eventually realizes that she's doing it for fear of creating possibility in her own life. She eventually changes and falls in love with some dude who works in a porn shop. It's a very well done movie. I highly recommend seeing it. But it, like Commando, is utter fiction.

The problem is that girls see movies like this, and they fucking swoon. Then they start quoting it, and imagining the day that they can spontaniously start having sex with a stranger on the grounds that it's "love." The difference is: it's possible that one day I'll have to fight a giant, dreadlocked Alien. It's not possible that the events in any John Cusick will ever take place with a straight man.

So let's grow up, ladies. Let's just grow the hell up.

cranked out at 10:00 AM | |

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